livestage | BARTENDER

Do you have a healing Blessing?

I do, but it's a little painful... it just accelerates healing.

It is convenient if it's painful in this case...

That's true...

[ ... cracks open another beer... ]

Maybe I should just-- say stuff. I've probably got stuff to say, right?

Oh! I would gladly listen!

[He will also.. get a beer!]

[ oh boy. okay. chugs her beer.

...

cracks another. sips it. takes a deep breath. ]

I'm really not able to move on from the past and ignore it and keep walking so I keep thinking I really don't belong with Sun Sign.

[ +coffee +herb ]

I genuinely think Sun Sign letting me sign on at all was a mistake and I have doubts I'll ever be able to properly fit in.

[ +coffee +herb ]

I hate my visions! I really, really hate them and I hate that just like everyone said they're starting to feel real and I wanted to avoid it forever but I can't.

[ +coffee +fruit ]

This halo is the gaudiest STUPIDEST thing I've ever seen and I wish I could just fling it into the ocean for good.

[ +coffee +fruit ]

The other me in my visions is a coward and a huge pussy and I don't think she deserves ANY of the good thing she's gotten and especially not love.

[ +coffee +fruit ]

... I don't think I deserve any of the good things I've gotten either because I'm also a coward.

[ +coffee +fruit ]

[ Freezes for a moment. chugs the remaining beer and starts again, ]

-- I was raised as an assassin my whole life by the Cordionna and operated as an exterminator for the Falling Stars within them.

[ +coffee +herb ]

I faked my death recently to protect someone that matters to me more than because I actually wanted to leave that life and if it takes dying for real in pursuit of keeping him safe, I don't mind.

[ +coffee +herb ]

If my mother cared that I was dead it's likely she would have already tracked me down before I even got back on the boat.

...

I don't think she ever cared about me as her daughter at all.

[ +coffee +herb ]

I've been pretending to be a real person so long I no longer know if I'm ever experiencing real feelings or if I'm still just pretending.

[ +coffee +fruit ]

I really hate lying to people I have to stay in contact with long term.

[ +coffee +fruit ]

But I also-- I also hate being seen as something other than the carefully curated version of myself I allow people to see. If I want people to see me as a stupid slut, they should see me that way. If I want people to see me as a terrifying predator, they should fear me.

[ +coffee +soda ]

I think my stubbornness is such that I would rather end up destroying every positive relationship I have than admit my vulnerabilities on the spot because I'm too stupid and prideful not to.

[ +coffee +soda ]

[ a pause. then, abruptly, ]

--- I also hate sleeping alone! It's fucking lonely!

[ +coffee +herb ]

Edited 2025-07-14 15:32 (UTC)

I'm really fucking unreasonably mad that everyone around me are in happy solid relationships and getting married and shit and I know it's not fair and I really truly am happy for them because I love them and they deserve it and I know I don't! But!

[ +coffee +fruit ]

This is why Sun Sign should have rejected me they really need to start doing background checks.

And Satin really, really needs to stop petting my lower wings unless he's going to do something about it because I'm THIS close to pinning him down and it's getting to be a lot from a guy who rejected me twice!

[ +coffee +fruit ]

[ just deflates face-first into a bean bag with a squeaky toy noise. ]

[why he know so many people who wanna set their lives on fire instead of be happy.]

... I can offer headpats or more alcohol.

Re: Acidia - Aloe

Re: Acidia - Aloe

Re: Acidia - Aloe

Re: Acidia - Aloe

Re: Acidia - Aloe

1/?

no subject

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

Re: 1/?

okay done. sorry

Re: okay done. sorry