livestage | BARTENDER - UNHOLY DISORDER

[ opens mouth. closes mouth. ]

[ tries. coffee, fruit x1 ]

I worry about as much, if not more, for myself than for them.

Edited 2025-07-13 02:10 (UTC)

Hah.

[cocks his head, then brings a hand up to flick at phoenix's]

I know. But what pisses me off is others don't know that.

You wouldn't try to justify it though, cuz yer a hero and all that. You don't wanna force your ideals on others, so you keep 'em to yourself. That right?

I'm not -

[ a beat ]

I wouldn't call myself a hero. I just don't want to lose part of myself - I don't want any of this to feel normal.

[ technically this would count for coffee, herbs too but he's going to move to grab a cube and offers it unfortunately i don't have a writeup forgive me but at least it's like 3 minutes

but also the long and short

Billy has just figured out he was the one behind the Road when Agatha appears before him as a ghost for the first time. He asks if he's the one who made the Road and - after a bit of ribbing - she confirms that yes he made it and Billy...........

has a break down because that means everything that happened he did and he killed the others and he's a murderer. Agatha is unphased and thinks he saved lives because she would have killed them anyway. Then, trying to be helpful, tells him if he's going to be a witch he needs to get used to this feeling. He proclaims he will never get used to it and she smiles: We'll see.

and because i include directors notes: when Agatha first appears she teases him about having seen Eddie outside and how he looks like he should have been a court jester. More importantly, because they wanted to go with "show don't tell," they took out some lines about how Billy panicked about how he couldn't have done all that because he couldn't see that deeply into minds and Agatha's like you could if you subconsciously accessed people's subconsciouses...... so yeah, that detail is important.]

[takes that and CHOMPS]

[ah. give him a moment]

This must be before those two made up and went on yer little adventure in the basement. . .

Though I hate to agree with her, she's right on one part. Giving yourself way too much credit. I don't know exactly what happened, but highly doubt you killed folks just from creating whatever thing in yer head.

[he flicks the toothpick away]

And you've already proved her wrong. "Get used to it?" Fah. You're too stubborn for that.

[ WHY DOES EVERYONE IN HIS LIFE KEEP DENYING HIS BAD DEEDS!!! Why does he begrudgingly have to believe them a little.

He takes a breath. ]

Even if I argued that us being there was my fault and therefore I put us in those positions... Agatha is probably right on everyone but Mrs Davis. If she died from the poison, then it was my mind that conjured it.

[ which he's possibly realizing he only knew about because of Jen's knowledge. He looks down. ]

She might not be wrong. The longer we're on the ship, the more it feels like I'll have to get used to that kind of feeling.

I have no idea who those people are, but even if ya made mind poison ya didn't make someone drink it or inject it. Checkmate Phoenix brain.

[he doesn't even know how to play chess]

And I doubt it. You've been here longer than me and I don't see ya stopping the bleeding heart shtick any time soon.

[ ....... you know he can't even argue that because sharon tried drinking it like three times and the third time was aft er she was already poisoned damn ]

... If they didn't participate in the trial something bad would have forced them to anyway.

[ He thinks. He believes. But he might be slightly more deflated at the thought before continuing:]

It's not a shtick.

[see, got im!!]

All I'm hearing is more proof it wasn't your fault. Funny how that works!

Anyway, just a figure of speech. It's who you are, and why you shouldn't listen to some psycho ghost bitch.